Your teeth and you

It's time to scare kids into brushing their teeth. They'll have to brush after they throw up from some of the startling imagery provided by Yuck Mouth. Yes, that's the immortal Scatman Crothers voicing Yuck, though I'm sure he brushed his teeth. Class act, that one.




Now run to the bathroom to brush, lest the Cavity Creeps come in and conquer toothopolis, plundering the treasury and having their way with the lovely princess Dentin. I'm sorry. I think the analogy broke down on me there somewhere. I get the impression from the commercial that if I keep my mouth full of toothpaste at all times, I'll never get a cavity. I mean if a crack team of fluoride specialists is good, then the a-bomb solution is better. Right?




Now let's round things off with Pearl Drops. Suzie McShinyteeth is assaulted by Goofus McBruceJennerHair. Rather than issuing a restraining order, she gives in to his brutal mating violence.

Not sure what's going on with her accent. I don't know if she's affecting a Farah Faucettesque speech pattern or concealing a deep Scottish brogue. She's hiding something. Perhaps Goofus will be left for dead at the edge of the forest for his crimes against her groceries, while Suzie obsessively licks her shiny teeth all night in her bathroom mirror.